Mr. and Mrs. Smith Comedy


Sweet Sweet Eggs

I remember it was a beautiful summer Sunday morning. This was many years ago when I had my first two roommates here in Chicago, Jerry and Jose. Jerry and I were single at the time, so we had gone out the night before as single men do on a Saturday night, while Jose stayed home to watch Sabado Gigante -a Spanish variety show- with his girlfriend at the time who didn't understand a lick of english. Anyway, I was suddenly awaken by this sweet cinnamon, maple bacon aroma that ran through the apartment. It was like I was back at home as a little boy and my mother was cooking  Saturday morning breakfast! Do you remember this moment? When you would smell the bacon in the air and the aroma of blueberry pancakes being made and you stayed in bed until your mom would call out "Breakfast is ready" and everyone ran to the table to see this wonderful spread of food! Endless strips of bacon, mile high stacks of pancakes, a sea of grits, scrambled eggs with cheese, sliced cantaloups and honeydew melons. It was a feast to remember!

And now back to the future! As the aroma continued to fill the apartment, I couldn't resist the temptation to get out of bed and discover what was this amazingness being cooked. I got up, dressed myself then walked out of my room towards the kitchen to find Jose's girlfriend cooking away over the stove. Not a bit surprised it was her as I knew none of the guys knew how to cook! I walked towards her and said "wow that really smells great, what is it?" She looked at me never skipping a beat as she stirred whatever was in the skillet and said "eggs". I said "eggs?" she said "yes". So I began to walk closer to her and said "wow, what did you do to them to make them smell so great?" 

She says "nothing, I just added some onions, ham, salt and pepper". In disbelief I approached the skillet to verify if this was true. And to my dismay, she was telling the truth. It was a watery mixture of chopped onions and diced ham and something that looked like fresh crushed pepper. I was amazed at this and how good it smelled so I asked again "why does it smell so good?" She smiled and said "I don't know". I mean these eggs smelled like cinnamon, maple and bacon at the same time. I was confused! But one thing I began to notice was that all along we were having this conversation, the eggs never got harden. She was just stirring away for what now had been a good three minutes. And not counting the fact that she was already cooking these eggs before I left my bedroom. Now I began to put two and two together as I knew this was an apartment that three men lived in who never went shopping for food. So I said to her "I didn't know we had eggs, did you bring some?" and she said "no, there was a carton of the ready made eggs in the fridge". Confused I went to the fridge to see and said "I didn't know we had that, where is it?" She said "on the door slots". As I looked around the fridge I didn't see anything but a few bottles of beer, an half empty mayo jar, a few other odd things and a carton of EGG NOGG! She was cooking egg nog that she mistakenly thought was instant egg mix!

Oh my goodness I couldn't contain the laughter! I was laughing for a good five minutes before I was able to wake the rest of the guys up to tell them of what I had just witnessed. It was the funniest thing I'd ever experienced in a long time. I told that story to almost everyone I encountered! I apologized to her of course, for making fun of the matter. But this was something that couldn't go untold. I mean the fact that she took the time to dice the onions and ham and I'm sure she was imagining how happy Jose was going to be as he woke to have breakfast already made for him with love! Priceless! Still till this day I remember this and it always brings me to laughter. I hope it did to you as well!


Mr. Smith